Guys, we need to STOP THE VIOLENCE. The physical and psychological aggression in this house is rising to worrying levels. At first it was just the boys’ fight scene, which is meant to be rough of course. They were flinging each other all over the room in a most convincing manner. “Dan, you need to twist Rob’s arm a bit harder!” “Rob, you need to throttle him properly so it looks real!” It was only when the shopkeeper under us started yelling up to us that we were making the lights on their ceiling shake, that I started to wonder if we should tone it down. Things rapidly got worse. We spent hours looking up youtube fake fight scenes, laughing joyously at the stunt guy pretending to beat up his unfortunate volunteer Audrey. For our evening entertainment, we chose the decidedly violent “This is England.”
The madness is spilling over into normal everyday recreation! Some of the crew went off to spend the afternoon in the Edinburgh Botanical Gardens. When they returned I asked to see the photos, expecting a reel of gentle frolicking in meadows. Instead I was horrified to see a montage of Elspeth and Eva happily turns to beat up an increasingly battered looking Dan, against a pretty backdrop of green fields and flowerbeds.
We can’t even keep it together among company any more. Yesterday we had to lovely Australian girls over for dinner, a nice morrocan stew prepared by Dan and Elspeth. It was all very civilised, right until the point when we all put down our plates and Sophie leapt to the centre of the room and challenged Dan to a fight. He consented and before we knew it the room had transformed into a wrestling ring with Eva also getting in on the action. What did the poor Australians think? Thankfully we were able to channel our aggression into a (highly charged) game of pick up sticks.
Perhaps its all just harmless horseplay though. Or maybe it’s all the gin.